Now Over To Our Expert On…:

A strange thing happened when a group of corporate bigwigs walked into the TV studio the other day. They suddenly lost interest in their chosen subject. They’d booked, and paid for, a day which gave the opportunity to delve into their company’s image and the way it’s reported in the media. And they’re high profile – let’s just say that when any journalist wants headline-grabbing material about their sector, this company is the one that springs to mind first. So the big doors are pushed back, they’re warned about the heavy cables snaking around their feet, the lights dazzle them, and there in the middle is a newsreader’s desk they see on telly every night. That was it – forget the corporate message. Let’s do Newsnight. An hour later we’d covered Big Brother’s cancelled sponsorship, tourism in Northern Ireland, an English Parliament, and Cash for Peerages. Thank heavens I had Paxman’s killer standby question up my sleeve: “..yeeees. How can you sit there and say that?”

FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

We've all said things we regret, but one false comment to the press can ruin careers, lose fortunes ... and spark riots.
After cries of protest from millions of Muslims, Pope Benedict XVI apologised for referring to the prophet Mohammed as "evil and inhuman".
But the damage was done... although His Holiness is by no means the only person to drop a world-class clanger.
From a new book, fittingly entitled Banana Skins, here is a selection of what can happen when you shoot from the lip...

DOING A RATNER
IN 1990, Gerald Ratner was one of the most successful businessmen in Britain, having single-handedly built the world's biggest jewellery chain. But his fortunes were shattered when, in 1991, he addressed the Institute of Directors and told them the sherry decanters he sold were "crap". As a result, £500million was wiped off the firm's stock market value.

DAN QUAYLE
THE man who served as US Vice President from 1989 to 1993 was notorious for his blunders. In the early days of his term he predicted "this President is going to lead us out of this recovery" while he later told reporters on a tour of Latin America: "My only regret is that I didn't study Latin harder in school, so I could converse with these people."

BIGGER THAN JESUS
WHEN John Lennon told a UK reporter the Beatles were "bigger than Jesus", the comment provoked little reaction. When the article was reprinted in the US in 1966, it provoked a huge anti-Fab Four backlash that even included public burnings of their records. Although Lennon apologised, the group's popularity Stateside never recovered.

McLIBEL
MCDONALD'S began the longest court case in British legal history when they sued two environmentalists for libel - and created one of the worst PR disasters ever.
After the two-and-a-half-year case, the judge ruled the company exploited children with misleading advertising, was culpably responsible for cruelty to animals, was antipathetic to unionisation and paid its workers low wages.

THE HOOVER GIVEAWAY
WHEN the vacuum cleaner company promised two free flights to Europe for every £100 spent on its products in 1992, it seemed too good to be true. And it was. After a string of legal claims from customers who'd failed to get their flights, the company had to charter planes to clear the backlog. The board was fired and the UK wing of the company sold off after losing tens of millions of pounds.

THE HITLER DIARIES
IN 1983, German magazine Stern thought it had pulled off the scoop of the century after being offered Adolph Hitler's private diaries.
But after being published around the world, scientists discovered chemicals in the diaries' paper that hadn't been invented during Hitler's lifetime.

EAU DE SIDCUP
WHEN it was launched in 2004, Dasani looked set to be another money-spinner for the Coca-Cola Company. Unfortunately, it was soon revealed that the bottled water had come not from a pristine spring but from a tap in Sidcup, Kent. After a potentially-carcinogenic chemical was found in the drink, half a million bottles were taken off the shelves leaving a £10million bill.

VIRGINAL BRITNEY
AFTER bursting onto the music scene with her big hit Baby, One More Time, Britney announced she was a virgin - and would remain that way until she was married.
This made her a heroine for the American True Love Waits pro-chastity movement.
But suspicion was aroused when she disappeared for a three-day getaway in a Rio de Janeiro hotel with childhood friend Justin Timberlake.
And it was Justin who gave the game away saying: "She lost her virginity a while ago - and I
should know."

VOLKSWAGEN
WHEN the Second World War ended in 1945, the Volkswagen manufacturing plant fell into the British Zone of occupation, giving the UK the chance to take over the motoring giant.
Yet the Society of Manufacturers and Traders scuppered the idea, saying the VW Beetle was inefficient.
In 1949, the firm was handed back to the Germans - and five years later, the millionth Beetle rolled off the production line.

CLINTON & LEWINSKY
WHEN former US president Bill Clinton was accused of having an extra-marital affair with intern Monica Lewinsky, he denied it, using the now infamous words: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
When he was asked to resign, Clinton said: "I would never walk away from the people of this country and the trust they've placed in me."
But an apologetic Clinton later appeared on national TV to admit he had had an "inappropriate relationship" with Monica Lewinsky.

ARCHER'S PERJURY
IN 1986 Tory MP and author Jeffrey Archer was accused by a paper of paying prostitute Monica Coghlan £2,000 for sex.
He resigned as deputy chairman of the Tories to fight the claim, insisting: "I have never, repeat never, met Monica Coghlan, nor have I ever had any association with a prostitute."
But in July 2001 red-faced Archer was jailed for four years for perjury and perverting the course of justice after it emerged he had rigged his 1987 libel case against the newspaper.

Extracts taken from Donough O'Brien's Little Book of Banana Skins published by Bene Factum Publishing, out now, price £9.99 paperback. Marston Book Services order line 01235 465500

Hold The Front Page

“People ask me how we can sell them at such a low price. I say, because they’re c**p!” – Gerald Ratner, just before his multi-million pound company went bust.

“I have nothing to say to you” Sir Clive Thompson interviewed by ITN the day after Farepack collapsed.

All it takes is one unguarded quote, one foolish remark, and reputations can be destroyed overnight. Why do senior directors, so clever and bullish in business, make the most basic blunders when speaking to the press? Why don’t they keep their mouths shut?

The reason is of course that company spokespeople have one thing in common with terrorists. They need the oxygen of publicity. Keeping quiet about their achievements is not an option, because businesses cannot survive without reputation and profile.

The other side of the coin, of course, is that company spokespeople who know how to handle the press can achieve more than anyone else in boosting the company’s bottom line. Think of Virgin – a brand almost exclusively based on the personality of its boss Richard Branson which has even survived running the railways, because, dammit, somehow we like him.

On average three times a week I spend a day with some private company or public sector department or other, in every part of the UK, teaching them how to handle the press. Two things are always apparent – they are highly defensive in their approach to the press, and they can’t understand why the press appears to be out to get them. It never seems to dawn on them that the two are linked.

They also fail to implement the key principle that they always adopt in business – give the customer what they want. When I explain that the customer, in this case the press, is there to represent the interests of the public, they quickly realise why their release announcing the introduction of coloured paper clips in the office won’t get on to the front page of the Record.

So the message is put yourself in the customer’s shoes. Ask yourself what they want to hear about you. And you may find yourself wearing Richard Branson’s shoes before you know it.