Jargon: It's not big and it's not clever

I have a game for you: try and guess what these 'business terms' are supposed to mean...

First up, the slightly Orwellian sounding: 'Facetime'. No? It's 'time spent speaking face to face', naturally. Next: 'Loop in'. Surely? It's 'to stay up to date'. 'Modularize'? To divide up. 'Componentize'. Nigh unpronounceable, this gem means 'to turn into a component.' For what purpose will forever remain a mystery. And lastly, my favourite: 'Operationalize' - merely to 'do' something.

Today more and more management jargon appears to be flooding into offices across the country. Meetings are become clogged in defining exactly what everyone is talking about rather than what needs to be done.

If you ask me, and many businesses do, the art of good management is about respecting the commonsense of your colleagues and giving a clear, efficient and effective message to clients. Business is complicated enough without layer upon layer of politically correct meaningless gobbledygook.

By using Media Mentor for your training needs you can help your business to be as concise and clear as possible, especially when dealing with the media. Post below, or 'externally communicate' as some may say, with your horror jargon horror stories and get in touch if you want to know more about our services.

Us and Them? Don't You Believe It!

It's often assumed that journalists and broadcast news organisations view people who've been media trained with suspicion. Why should people learn the tricks of the trade, and find ways to avoid answering difficult questions? There's a very good answer - why should people who find themselves under the spotlight be unfairly hampered by nerves, and an unfamiliarity with the way the media operate? Doesn't the public deserve that the issues that affect them are reported on a reasonably level playing field? And in fact the media agree too. We were musing over the fact that most of our media training would not be possible, if it were not for the willingness of the BBC to make their studios available to our clients, so that they can try for themselves the gut-wrenching experience of taking part in live programmes in real BBC studios. And in London, ITV's Millbank Studios in Westminster welcome our clients. Move over Prime Minister, time to let others learn the secrets of successful spin!

Candid Cameron

Well he's not been entirely candid, but David Cameron has proved that he's more of a master of the media than his doppleganger, the only slight more right wing T Blair Esq. He decided his strategy well in advance for handling accusations of a fly puff on the exotic cheroot behind the bike sheds (do they have bikes at Eton?). And he stuck to it. It wasn't a denial - it was a principled stand on the right for privacy over any mistakes made years before someone decides to become a politician. Then, when the inevitable slow news day comes along and a Sunday paper with a blank front page decides to expose him, he swings into appropriate action. Brief appearance in front of the cameras, cheerful and relaxed approach, non commital statement so everyone gets a quote, and that's it. He follows the rules: make an appearance, make a statement, be consistent, keep it brief. But did anyone notice that the BBC news pictures were curiously soft-focus? Surely he didn't go that far!

Don't Get In A Flap

Things are looking bad for Bernard Matthews. Their handling of the media has been pretty sure footed so far: plenty of TV coverage of their workers taking action, grisly but necessary, to clamp down on the bird flu bug. Plenty of supportive statements from Government, and even the TGWU, their main union, saying they've done everything right in the face of this unexpected and devastating crisis. But one thing is missing. Old Mr Bootiful himself. Suddenly the tide has turned against the Bernard Matthews organisation, with claims that they've not been totally open about the business they've been doing in Hungary, where the outbreak is thought to have started. Where is the reassuring face of Bernard to convince us that he has our welfare at heart? Now he's getting on a bit - no spring turkey he, at 80, but the personal appearance of the man who personifies the company is necessary, and notable by its absence. There's no escaping the golden rule of media handling in a crisis: get on the site, get before the cameras, be seen to be in charge of putting things right.

Now Over To Our Expert On…:

A strange thing happened when a group of corporate bigwigs walked into the TV studio the other day. They suddenly lost interest in their chosen subject. They’d booked, and paid for, a day which gave the opportunity to delve into their company’s image and the way it’s reported in the media. And they’re high profile – let’s just say that when any journalist wants headline-grabbing material about their sector, this company is the one that springs to mind first. So the big doors are pushed back, they’re warned about the heavy cables snaking around their feet, the lights dazzle them, and there in the middle is a newsreader’s desk they see on telly every night. That was it – forget the corporate message. Let’s do Newsnight. An hour later we’d covered Big Brother’s cancelled sponsorship, tourism in Northern Ireland, an English Parliament, and Cash for Peerages. Thank heavens I had Paxman’s killer standby question up my sleeve: “..yeeees. How can you sit there and say that?”

FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE

We've all said things we regret, but one false comment to the press can ruin careers, lose fortunes ... and spark riots.
After cries of protest from millions of Muslims, Pope Benedict XVI apologised for referring to the prophet Mohammed as "evil and inhuman".
But the damage was done... although His Holiness is by no means the only person to drop a world-class clanger.
From a new book, fittingly entitled Banana Skins, here is a selection of what can happen when you shoot from the lip...

DOING A RATNER
IN 1990, Gerald Ratner was one of the most successful businessmen in Britain, having single-handedly built the world's biggest jewellery chain. But his fortunes were shattered when, in 1991, he addressed the Institute of Directors and told them the sherry decanters he sold were "crap". As a result, £500million was wiped off the firm's stock market value.

DAN QUAYLE
THE man who served as US Vice President from 1989 to 1993 was notorious for his blunders. In the early days of his term he predicted "this President is going to lead us out of this recovery" while he later told reporters on a tour of Latin America: "My only regret is that I didn't study Latin harder in school, so I could converse with these people."

BIGGER THAN JESUS
WHEN John Lennon told a UK reporter the Beatles were "bigger than Jesus", the comment provoked little reaction. When the article was reprinted in the US in 1966, it provoked a huge anti-Fab Four backlash that even included public burnings of their records. Although Lennon apologised, the group's popularity Stateside never recovered.

McLIBEL
MCDONALD'S began the longest court case in British legal history when they sued two environmentalists for libel - and created one of the worst PR disasters ever.
After the two-and-a-half-year case, the judge ruled the company exploited children with misleading advertising, was culpably responsible for cruelty to animals, was antipathetic to unionisation and paid its workers low wages.

THE HOOVER GIVEAWAY
WHEN the vacuum cleaner company promised two free flights to Europe for every £100 spent on its products in 1992, it seemed too good to be true. And it was. After a string of legal claims from customers who'd failed to get their flights, the company had to charter planes to clear the backlog. The board was fired and the UK wing of the company sold off after losing tens of millions of pounds.

THE HITLER DIARIES
IN 1983, German magazine Stern thought it had pulled off the scoop of the century after being offered Adolph Hitler's private diaries.
But after being published around the world, scientists discovered chemicals in the diaries' paper that hadn't been invented during Hitler's lifetime.

EAU DE SIDCUP
WHEN it was launched in 2004, Dasani looked set to be another money-spinner for the Coca-Cola Company. Unfortunately, it was soon revealed that the bottled water had come not from a pristine spring but from a tap in Sidcup, Kent. After a potentially-carcinogenic chemical was found in the drink, half a million bottles were taken off the shelves leaving a £10million bill.

VIRGINAL BRITNEY
AFTER bursting onto the music scene with her big hit Baby, One More Time, Britney announced she was a virgin - and would remain that way until she was married.
This made her a heroine for the American True Love Waits pro-chastity movement.
But suspicion was aroused when she disappeared for a three-day getaway in a Rio de Janeiro hotel with childhood friend Justin Timberlake.
And it was Justin who gave the game away saying: "She lost her virginity a while ago - and I
should know."

VOLKSWAGEN
WHEN the Second World War ended in 1945, the Volkswagen manufacturing plant fell into the British Zone of occupation, giving the UK the chance to take over the motoring giant.
Yet the Society of Manufacturers and Traders scuppered the idea, saying the VW Beetle was inefficient.
In 1949, the firm was handed back to the Germans - and five years later, the millionth Beetle rolled off the production line.

CLINTON & LEWINSKY
WHEN former US president Bill Clinton was accused of having an extra-marital affair with intern Monica Lewinsky, he denied it, using the now infamous words: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
When he was asked to resign, Clinton said: "I would never walk away from the people of this country and the trust they've placed in me."
But an apologetic Clinton later appeared on national TV to admit he had had an "inappropriate relationship" with Monica Lewinsky.

ARCHER'S PERJURY
IN 1986 Tory MP and author Jeffrey Archer was accused by a paper of paying prostitute Monica Coghlan £2,000 for sex.
He resigned as deputy chairman of the Tories to fight the claim, insisting: "I have never, repeat never, met Monica Coghlan, nor have I ever had any association with a prostitute."
But in July 2001 red-faced Archer was jailed for four years for perjury and perverting the course of justice after it emerged he had rigged his 1987 libel case against the newspaper.

Extracts taken from Donough O'Brien's Little Book of Banana Skins published by Bene Factum Publishing, out now, price £9.99 paperback. Marston Book Services order line 01235 465500

Hold The Front Page

“People ask me how we can sell them at such a low price. I say, because they’re c**p!” – Gerald Ratner, just before his multi-million pound company went bust.

“I have nothing to say to you” Sir Clive Thompson interviewed by ITN the day after Farepack collapsed.

All it takes is one unguarded quote, one foolish remark, and reputations can be destroyed overnight. Why do senior directors, so clever and bullish in business, make the most basic blunders when speaking to the press? Why don’t they keep their mouths shut?

The reason is of course that company spokespeople have one thing in common with terrorists. They need the oxygen of publicity. Keeping quiet about their achievements is not an option, because businesses cannot survive without reputation and profile.

The other side of the coin, of course, is that company spokespeople who know how to handle the press can achieve more than anyone else in boosting the company’s bottom line. Think of Virgin – a brand almost exclusively based on the personality of its boss Richard Branson which has even survived running the railways, because, dammit, somehow we like him.

On average three times a week I spend a day with some private company or public sector department or other, in every part of the UK, teaching them how to handle the press. Two things are always apparent – they are highly defensive in their approach to the press, and they can’t understand why the press appears to be out to get them. It never seems to dawn on them that the two are linked.

They also fail to implement the key principle that they always adopt in business – give the customer what they want. When I explain that the customer, in this case the press, is there to represent the interests of the public, they quickly realise why their release announcing the introduction of coloured paper clips in the office won’t get on to the front page of the Record.

So the message is put yourself in the customer’s shoes. Ask yourself what they want to hear about you. And you may find yourself wearing Richard Branson’s shoes before you know it.

Media Mentor Quicktime Movie

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We have added a quicktime version of our Introduction Video for Mac users.

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Media Mentor - Introduction to Media Training Podcast

This the first Media Mentor podcast. Here Paul Murricane the director of Media Mentor talks about what media mentor can do for your company and also what you yourself can achieve if you book a media training course with Media Mentor.

Media Training Introdcution Podcast
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NEW FROM MEDIA MENTOR

Try reading this aloud: “Each specialist library will be the product of a community of practice of all those interested in knowledge mobilisation and localisation of their domain”. What does it mean? It means the writer needs help – and fast.

This is just one example – from a press release sent to BBC Radio 4’s Today programme – that Media Mentor uses in its new “Clear Written English” courses, ideal for anybody who writes letters or communicates with the public. The good news is that many local councils have signed up their public-facing employees to take our course. When they have to calm down furious tenants complaining about housing problems, when they have to find a way to extract council tax from reluctant householders, they need the ability to communicate clearly, pleasantly, and efficiently.

In half a day our ‘Clear Written English’ course transforms bureaucrats into masters of the written word. Do you know someone who could benefit? Write them a short note – particularly if they’re interested in knowledge mobilisation and localisation of their domain.